


Ghostly Touches

by FlameWolf



Series: One Night Stand Romance [4]
Category: Actor RPF, British Actor RPF, Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Emotional Problems, F/M, Pregnancy, Some stalking, commitment issues, not a happy fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-03
Updated: 2017-05-03
Packaged: 2018-10-27 06:19:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10803507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlameWolf/pseuds/FlameWolf
Summary: As her pregnancy progresses, Riza finds herself dealing with several problems.  Tom keeps calling her and she's finding it hard to stop going to showings as well as press conferences just to catch a glimpse of him.  She just doesn't know that her ex is having it just as hard, having to deal with some rather deep seated demons.





	Ghostly Touches

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t know Tom Hiddleston and have never met him in person. This story is fiction and for fun. No profit will be made from this.
> 
> Author’s Note: Sorry for the long delays. Feels like I keep saying that. Life just keeps happening but I think things should be more stable. *hopes*

A small cell phone vibrated on the wooden surface of a rounded table, the ring tone achingly familiar.  Staring at the object as if it were some poisonous viper, Riza licked her cracked, dry lips.  It had been three months since their horrible break-up, the same amount of time she had been pregnant.  Stomach churning slightly from nerves as well as the remnants of morning sickness, the novelist closed her blue-gray eyes as she weighed her options.  She could just ignore it but she had been through this scenario often enough over the months to know he would just keep calling until she picked up.  Blocking his number was also an option but just the thought of it made her feel closer to breaking down than just talking to him did.

Sighing as she stared down at the tummy that was just beginning to grow the tiniest bit, she allowed the ringtone to echo in the empty room a few more times.  The song she had chosen made her want to shake her head with the irony of it now.  Back when they had been each other’s worlds, she had given him the song ‘Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing’ by Aerosmith.  A song that had been all too appropriate at the time but made the knife twist hard in her chest now.  So, with a heavy sigh, the writer reached for her phone and hit the green accept button.

Raising the object to her ear, the expectant woman could already feel the tears beginning to clog her throat as a familiar voice purred her name over the open line.  “How’s your morning sickness been?” came his concerned baritone, making her heart shudder as she fought to gather some fake indignation.

“Fine Thomas but these constant phone calls are beyond ridiculous.  I’m only in my third month and you act like its my third trimester.  On top of that, you’re treating the entire situation as if  _ I’m _ the one you’re marrying.  I bet you’ve called me more in these past months than you have your own fiance and there’s just something inherently wrong with that,” came out of her of its own accord, tears streaming down her cheeks as she sunk into a chair.

Over these endless months, she had learned to be quite an actress herself; able to hide the depth of her grief and pain in her voice while outwardly crying.  Yet she was not so far gone not to know she didn’t mean the words leaving her.  She had turned into a bit of a stalker, going out of her way to go to events she knew he would be attending just to get a glimpse of him.  To assure herself he was really happy with the choice he had made.  Now she found herself feeling sorry for the woman he had dumped her for, a position she had never thought she’d be in.  “She’s been busy with press conferences and hasn’t had much time for me anyway,” responded the actor on the end, only increasing that baffling feeling of sympathy.

“That’s no excuse to be calling your ex at all hours of the day just to check up on an accidental pregnancy!  I doubt you’ve even told her about the existence of this child,” snarled a voice that sounded more like a witch’s than her own as the tears continued to roll unchecked down her pale cheeks.  The silence that followed was more than enough of an answer and she felt just a hint of true aggravation.

“Look Mr. Hiddleston, you had your chance to pursue this as a relationship.  A chance to be around our child as a normal father.  You made the decision to leave me for this woman so you had better be damned sure you made the right choice!  After all the heartache you’ve put me through, I wouldn’t take you back if you begged me,” continued the bitter person who had possessed her body while her heart was busy breaking.

Despite everything coming out of her, she still loved him and she doubted that was going to stop any time soon.  She still snuggled with the shirt covered pillow for christ’s sake, let alone the fact she was planning on showing up at one of the publicity shoots he was going to with his new lover.  If he dumped Taylor, she would instantly feel a resurgence of hope in her chest.  A fact that she hated herself for.

Before she had met him, she never would have even thought about stealing another woman’s man; let alone one that had left  _ her _ in the first place.  She knew she had become a pathetic shadow of herself but she was helpless to pull herself together, too caught up in her agony to gather her gumption.  At least she didn’t have to show this weakness to Tom, her hidden anger taking over to talk to him.  “Now, unless I call your first or you’re notified by the hospital, please refrain from calling me.  I will let you know if anything comes up,” murmured a voice from some distance away before the phone was dropping from her fingers and she was sobbing in earnest.

Stared at the black screen in his hands, Tom Hiddleston looked the very picture of misery.  The corners of his mouth were pulled down and tears filled his blue-green eyes as he ran a shaky hand down his handsome features.  He knew he held the bulk of the responsibility for the mess he found himself in right now but he couldn’t help but hold his friends a tiny bit accountable.  Those closest to him knew his fears quite well and they had deliberately sabotaged him.  Huffing through his nose, the lanky thespian laid on the hotel bed; staring up at the painted ceiling as he thought back on the night that had started this shit ball rolling down hill.

It had been his last night with Riza, a woman he loved with all of his heart and he was going to propose to her.  A mundane enough task for any other man.  For him, the very idea of marriage was terror inducing.  Worst still was the fact that he had no idea what caused such an irrational, insurmountable fear.  It had made relationship very difficult for him in the past, losing him many girlfriends he had loved with all of his heart.  Yet he found he could force himself to overcome this with Riza.

The shy writer had made him trust her more deeply than he had believed himself capable of trusting a person.  He had asked his mother for her ring before even coming, having even put a plan in place for when he wanted the proposal to happen.  For the first time since he could remember, he felt no fear for what was about to occur.  Yet, there was a small problem.  He had no idea if he could hold onto his determination for the date he had set aside.  The aversion he felt towards the whole thing was very real and lurked in the background like a predator poised to strike.

To his surprise, he had managed to hang in there for the months he stayed with her; his joy in her presence doing wonders to ward off his odd pathologies.  He had grown so comfortable that when the day for his departure grew closer he had begun to feel an  _ urge _ to propose.  A need to claim her as his so he could protect her, a feeling he had never had before.  Clinging to this like a life raft, Tom had made it to his last day of filming with an alien feeling of confidence.  Instead of wondering if he could really trust this woman with his heart for the rest of his life, he knew he  _ needed _ her.  That he needed to get home as soon as he could before his old hesitations had a chance to grab hold in his head.

In fact, he could already feel them stirring; growing restless as the time grew closer for him to enact his plan.  That was when Chris had grabbed his upper arm and dragged him into a car, proclaiming he couldn’t just leave without going to the after party.  A man he had considered his brother and knew about both his weakness as well as what he had planned.  He had protested, the blonde overpowering him easily with his more muscular physique.  By the time he had been able to escape, the old terror was beginning to creep in.  As well as the dark thoughts, thoughts that made his head hurt and his vision go black.

When he had reached her doorstep, he had lost all will to propose; a dark anger toward his friends for what they had done.  What they had stolen from him.  Now, however, he found no one else but him held responsibility for how things had happened.  He  _ could _ have left the party at any time if he had really wanted to.  No one had shackled him to the wall.  He also  _ could _ have forced himself to push through the wall of fear that had formed around his heart.  He had simply given in because it was easier, a reason he felt disgusted with himself for.

Tears rolling down pale cheeks as green tinted eyes roamed the bumpy ceiling, the star heaved a thick sigh as his adam’s apple worked to swallow some of his sorrow.  He had allowed himself to run away from the woman he had truly loved only to acquiesce to being shoved in a relationship with a young singer for publicity.  Worst still, he had been forced into proposing to her by Luke as well as Taylor’s own agents.  This only added to the guilt he felt about not having the courage to do the same with a woman he had actually trusted.  A woman he had looked forward to spending the rest of his life with.  A woman he had nearly overcome a deep seated neurosis over.

It was all pushed into this joke of a relationship, making him feel ill in the pit of his stomach as the tears kept coming.  Taylor wasn’t a bad woman, too good in fact.  She took care of him on his busy days and even liked to cuddle most of the time.  By all accounts, he should be happy with what was going on.  Instead, he felt a deep pull toward someone he had betrayed and had left holding the bag.  Just thinking about the coming child filled him with a near undeniable urge to just drop this charade and go back to her.  She was very alone and more than likely needed help with all the doctor appointments and medications.  Not to mention labor and birth.

The image of her alone in some hospital was almost too much to bear and he sat up with a desolate moan, holding his oval shaped face in his hands while his tears wet his fingers.  It was then her earlier words rang out in his head and he broke down into harsh sobs.  “You lost your chance.  I won’t take you back,” came snippets, chipping away at more and more of his heart as his cries continued.  He was so distraught that he didn’t hear the knocking on the door until it had become pounding.

The months roll by slowly, her stomach steadily growing as each one passes.  She makes all her appointments, takes her pills and stalks press conferences as well as first showings.  She knows she should stop, that the behavior is unhealthy but she can’t help herself.  Just seeing the smile on his face made it worth and was all that kept her going.  As much as she tried to justify it, she was truly worried Tom wasn’t happy.  Thankfully, everything she had seen had suggested he couldn’t be happier.

Yet, deep down, she knew there was another reason.  She was pregnant with her first child and felt very alone without the father around.  Just seeing him made her feel a bit safer, even if he never took notice of her hidden presence.  Still, at five months pregnant, she knew her time for being able to do this safely was getting short.  Soon her belly would make squeezing into excitable crowds too dangerous for both her and the baby.  At least she hadn’t given into temptation to call him beyond updates about the baby’s health.

There had been many nights where she had just wanted to hear his soothing voice.  To have him tell her it would be alright.  But he wasn’t her man.  She had no right to any amount of attention from him.  At least she could still look at him from a distance.  Still, she felt shameful as she walked down the front path to her car.  What she was doing was nothing short of something most people would judge her harshly for.  Such actions could so easily be seen in the wrong light, making her feel even more ridiculous about the fact she hadn’t stopped long before now.

None of this stopped her body from starting the car and driving to the next red carpet opening.  As much as she knew she should stop, she doubted she would be capable.  Even when she got further along.  Placing her forehead on the steering wheel, Riza closed her stormy eyes as waves of guilt and embarrassment washed over her.  She was a grown woman and yet she couldn’t control this part of herself.  Leaning back as tears continued to track down her paper white cheeks, the distraught writer took a deep breath before getting out of the car.

As if driven by compulsion alone, the thirty year old walked toward the crowd of people beginning to gather for the stars.  Within moments, she was shoved to the front; walled in by a mass of humanity.  Heart banging in her chest as she did her best to press back into the crowd.  It was then she heard the sound of a car door slamming, making her head whirl out of simple instinct.  What she saw made her blood freeze in her veins.  It was Tom and Taylor, the pair almost seeming to beam with happiness.

Eyes widening, she felt panic began to rise as the beautiful pair began to make their way down the crowded corridor.  They would easily see her and she felt an extreme fear.  Tom would recognize her and she had no idea what would happen from there.  With the way their looks complimented eachother’s and the joy they emanated, she would feel incredibly guilty if she did anything to come between them.  Yet the fleshy wall behind her had no give or mercy, her heart going faster the closer the famous pair got.

All too soon, a pair of blue-green eyes landed on her and reality itself froze as the gears of time itself seemed to jam.  All the color bled out of the world around her, the moment seeming endless as Tom stared at her.  Then his eyes moved to her stomach and the spell was broken, the actor closing the distance in quick stride.  In seconds, he was there; only separated by distance and a length of red colored velvet rope.  His mouth and throat worked while he struggled to say something, his eyes locked on the small bulge she shortly.

Tears rose up easily in his eyes as they rose to lock on hers, his mask slipping to allow her to see the misery underneath.  The man was broken, his eyes holding a longing that made her heart ache for him.  “I’m so sorry Riza...  So very sorry.  Christ I’ve fucked up so badly,” husked the accented voice that had haunted many a dream.  Then Taylor was there, her eyes full of questions as Tom seemed to frozen.

“Tommy?  You okay?  Is she someone you know?” her sweet voice asked, distracting him enough to turn to look at her.

“She’s...,” he began, his voice hoarse from impending tears.  Then he was turning back, his heart jumping slightly when he saw the novelist was gone.  All he could do was stare at the spot she had been seconds before, his head pounding as his heart clenched hard in his chest.

“Tom...?” came a softer, almost confused vocalization of his name. Making him shift his eyes slightly to his former fiance.

“She’s someone who was very important to me.  I’ll tell you after the show,” he murmured, the lie slipping out of him with disgusting ease as they continued forward.  He had no intention to tell her, in fact knew she would forget by the end of the movie.  It was just as well as Riza was now all he could think about.  Seeing the actual evidence of their child growing had jolted him badly.  So badly, he found himself wondering if he really  _ could _ continue with all of this.

As they took their seats in the theater and Taylor leaned into him, the thespian found his mind wandering to Riza.  He was only hurting the both of them by continuing with this farce but it would hurt Taylor if he told her the truth of what was going on.  Finding himself stuck in a no win situation, Tom closed his eyes as he allowed grief to wash over him.  He  _ needed _ to be with the woman who carried his child but he also had his honor.  His decision wouldn’t get any easier as the month went on.  He didn’t even know the day his former lover would be giving birth, a fact that bothered him greatly.  Sighing, he watched the movie with blind eyes; his mind a maelstrom as he tried to figure out just what he wanted to do.


End file.
